INS jokes
I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...
To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can watch the expression on their face.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a blender.
What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him to eat 200 balls.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
Why was the German in a hurry?
Because he was Rush-ian to get to work.
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.