INS jokes
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Por que.
Por que who?
"That's all, folks," in the words of Por que Pig.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!
When in Poland people go to a house party, and the atmosphere is bad, nobody is talking, they say: "Is there a German here?"
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"