INS jokes

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"

To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.

What's red and in a corner?

A baby with a razor blade.

What's green and in a corner?

The same baby three weeks later.

You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.

But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.

There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.

Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"

Girl: "Dude, this is a library."

Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)

You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.

Who's the bus driver?

You will never nose [know].

What is blue and sits in a corner? A baby in a baggy.

What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.

Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that, you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try!"

If you fuck your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?

I adopted a dog. It's gone now.

At least homeless people in China are not starving.

What do you call a candle in armor?

A knight light.

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?

Realizing you only put in 4.

How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.

Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"

What do you call a white man in court?

SUPERIOR!

My heart is like a plane.

It crashes every once in a while.