INS jokes
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
Yo mama so fat, she fell in love with a skinny dude and tried to hug him but crushed him.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
There were 20 people in a box. There was not mushroom.
Me: Hey Joe, updog.
Joe: What?
Me: Updog.
Joe: What's updog?
*Facepalms*
Me: Lol in the corner.
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.
I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.
But no pun in ten did.
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
Where did the mushroom kill himself?
In the mushroom.
Closer kin, deeper in!
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.