INS jokes
What do women and moldy bread have in common?
A yeast infection.
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What name is easy to say in Spanish?
Marissa!
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because it has a silent “p.”
What do they use in communion when they run out of bread?
Doughnuts, because they're holy.
What can read 105 stories in ten seconds?
New Yorkers.
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
Where do you find the best comedians?
In the funny farm!
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
What did Ron put in his diary?
I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
We saved a transvestite in a tight mini skirt from a tree.
I thought I showed a lot of balls.
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"