INS jokes
Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even fit in the suitcase.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.
I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.
Heard about the new event in Africa? Called the Hunger Games.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
'Cause it was stuck in the crack... *buttcrack*
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?
'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.