INS jokes
In America, mom births you.
In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
How to surprise a blind man: put a plunger in the toilet!
What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."
Being in a band without a pencil is as easy as reading snare drum music.
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."
A dad is in a wheelchair and his daughter goes, "Don't step on a crack!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Wilma.
Wilma who?
Wilma dik fit in your mouth.
What is an emo girl's favorite map in Halo?
Hang 'em high.
Yo mama so ugly, Itachi couldn't look at her to put her in a genjutsu.
Your mom saw Uranus and never was the same in HD. :)
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
What's the second hardest thing in the morning?
The first hardest thing. 🍆
There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???
Why can't toilet paper cross the road? Because the toilet paper got stuck in a crack. 🤣🤣🤣
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.
I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.