INS jokes
In America, you fight Ukraine.
In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.
"Fuck me right in the balls, you dirty cow!"
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
What does the M and D in "orphan" stand for?
"Mum" and "Dad."
Do you play Sea of Thieves? See if these balls fit in your mouth, gotteeeem!
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Everything is made in China... except for baby girls.
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
What’s an orphan’s favorite cereal?
Because it’s the only magical string in his life.
In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.
What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"