INS jokes
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
People in wheelchairs need to stand up for themselves.
What do you call a friend in space?
Space friend.
What do you call a nerd in space?
A space nerd.
What do you call a student in space?
An astrodent.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.
What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.
Please welcome Mozart's The Magic Flute...
In A minor.
I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.
I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?
"Are you ready for fall?"
Why is it easy to defeat America in Clash of Clans?
Because they have already got 2 towers down.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."