INS jokes

Helen Keller

17 views ·

Who was the meanest man in the world?

He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.

Food

16 views ·

I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.

Priest

60 views ·

A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"

The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"

Prison

1,398 views ·

A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."

Grenade

6 views ·

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make noise after you throw them.

Pacman

1 view ·

The gayest person in the world is Pacman, because I can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

Family

6 views ·

I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.

Btw, it's a joke lol.

Dwarf

65 views ·

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

Doctor

9 views ·

doctor: you need to eat healthy.

me: no.

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

me: oh my goodness.

doctor: in a plane crash.

me: that sounds unrelated.

doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

Cliff

34 views ·

COP: Are you high?

ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*

COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.