INS jokes
In the morning, I become a cereal killer. Stepped on a corn flake.
Then there was the run-in with a pair of orphaned Rice Krispies. Snap. Crackle. No pop.
I've been taken into custody as a cereal offender and am about to be put on trial in Food Court. I fully expect them to sentence me to Life.
What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?
They both use lots of oil.
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
What do Jews and Black people have in common?
Living off welfare checks.
Why do Jews suck at mugging?
Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
What does Meg do when she gets a cold sore?
She bathes in diarrhea.
What came first: the chicken or the egg?
Doesn't matter, in the future, they'll come together.
What do Somalians excel at in the US?
Welfare fraud.
So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.
I said, "No, they don't have double doors."
Why are transgender people like confused kids?
Because they both don't know what they want to be in life.
What do Indian and Jewish people have in common?
They both avoid the showers at all times.
What do Arby's and black women have in common? They both have the meats.
What do dicks and Rubik's Cubes have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
What do Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley, and Rashida Tlaib all have in common?
All four of them are garbage.
How do you affirm a trans woman's gender?
By kicking him hard in the balls.
What do feminists and whores have in common?
Daddy issues.
Why is Kyle Rittenhouse the Ultimate Crime Fighter?
Because in one night he killed a pedophile and a domestic abuser.
What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 1800s?
Master.
What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 2000s?
Coach.
Q: What do Epstein and Dahmer have in common?
A: They both like to eat kids in and out.