Infant jokes
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage...
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
"Dick me down shorts."
What's 10 inches and makes women scream?
Cot death!
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
What's white, red, and screams a lot?
A baby in a blender.
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
Babies can spread a nasty smell, especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.