Infant jokes
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
There's a truck full of babies. What's worse than that? One baby being alive. What's worse than that? That baby having to eat its way out. What's worse than that? That same baby coming back from seconds.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
What’s red and cries?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the ground.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage...
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
"Dick me down shorts."
What's 10 inches and makes women scream?
Cot death!
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.