Infant jokes
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl? A blender. What's the best way to get them out? A blender.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on one.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas? AIDS.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher? An erection.
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
Weenis long.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet? Beets stain your teeth.
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
There's a truck full of babies. What's worse than that? One baby being alive. What's worse than that? That baby having to eat its way out. What's worse than that? That same baby coming back from seconds.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
What’s red and cries?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? You nail its other hand to the ground.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.