Im jokes

I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.

It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"

I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."

I'm hungry.

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

What do you call a black person scuba diving? A black diver (an armor set from DeepWoken). Did anyone laugh at that, or?? Augh, I guess I'm alone.

Guess what, everybody? I'm dumb in math. I'm dumb and stupid at math.

Mom: Son, get up for school.

Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!

Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

Son: I hate you!

In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

Bully: Ur Gay.

Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.

Bully: *runs away and hears crash*

An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"

"No," replies the adopted kid.

"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.

If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.

Like if you dislike emos.

There was a man who had just moved from a foreign country. He just moved into his apartment and was watching his favorite TV shows. The first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!"

There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him, "Sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. The man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." The cop said, "Sir, what did you use?" and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives." After that, the cop said, "Sir, I'm going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" The screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"

My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.

Why did the skeleton have no friends?

He was a boner!

Heheheh!

Ah, see ya soon kiddo.

I'm going on break.

I'll give you some fried snow later!

Knock, knock!

"Is that daddy?"

No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!