Im jokes

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

I'm a big fan of white boards; they're remarkable.

Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"I'm positive!"

I'm autistic, and I find these so funny.

"Wanna hear a construction joke?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Wait, I'm still working on it!"

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

I'm dead! 😂💀💀

I'm gay.

A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.

(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

Why did my boyfriend leave me?

Because he's gay.

But why did he come back to me?

Because I'm actually a guy :-)

Me, haha, I'm the joke.

Babe, I'm breaking up with you.

Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.

I'm Pickle Rick from Fortnite hahahahahaha!

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

Even if orphans fail their exams, I'm sure their parents wouldn't...

Oh wait...

I hate people that hate life.

Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe