Illegal jokes
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
How can a prostitute make more money than a drug dealer?
She can clean her crack and sell it again.
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?
Things said by racist aliens: "Some of my best friends are Green." "I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship." "You're very pretty for a Purple girl." "We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!" "Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people." "You 2-headed people are so stupid!" "No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes." "Get the hell out of my store you grigger!" "The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
You will never see a redneck opposing a war.
He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
I like my girls like I like my wine.
12 years old and locked in my basement.
What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia? Sexy kids.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.