Illegal jokes
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.
David: Isn't that illegal?
Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.
David: I hate my life.
Things said by racist aliens: "Some of my best friends are Green." "I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship." "You're very pretty for a Purple girl." "We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!" "Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people." "You 2-headed people are so stupid!" "No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes." "Get the hell out of my store you grigger!" "The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"
What is illegal in Africa? Water guns.
How can a prostitute make more money than a drug dealer?
She can clean her crack and sell it again.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.
I mean, I don't see why not.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and a book?
A book has papers.
You will never see a redneck opposing a war.
He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.