Illegal jokes

What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and a book?

A book has papers.

It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.

In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.

Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?

What's the most illegal activity in Africa?

Watering the plants.

Child abortion is like tax evasion: the more you lose, the less problems you have.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

I'm illegal.

What do you call a criminal?

Disarmed and dangerous.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

What does a kite and a criminal have in common?

They both get high.

What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?

A holy CUMmunion.

I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green."

"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."

"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."

"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"

"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."

"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"

"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."

"Get the hell out of my store you grigger!"

"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

Why is suicide illegal?

Because it destroys government property.

What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.

The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.

You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.

I mean, I don't see why not.

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

He gets toad.