If jokes
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
If you thought other people’s puns are bad, well, you should sea mine.
What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.
If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
If you're ever bored, pee on an android. Apple is better!
Why do seagulls not fly over the bay?
Because if they did, they'd be bay gulls.
If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?
If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.
Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P
Who are you to believe if you don't believe in unicorns?
If you're bored, hump Danny and fuck him. What is he, goons do fuck rock?
A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."
If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.
P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.
If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)