Identity

Identity jokes

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

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  • A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."

    Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

    Alfred: Why?

    Me: because I'm worthless... =)

    Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definitely not an accident.

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  • There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.

    A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."

    Why did the orphan kill himself when he found out who his dad was? Because he found out his dad was Donald Trump.

    A man walked into a toilet and saw a woman fingering a man and said, "I think you're doing it wrong." Turns out it was two transvestites.

    It's fucked up how people make these jokes, and when orphans read them, it makes them feel worse about themselves. I should know, I'm an orphan.