Hows jokes

How do you keep a bull from charging?

You take its credit card away.

How did number 1 kindly make number 2?

I got my was kicked, let's be friends?

Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?

Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.

Me: Oh, okay.

Goes to school.

Teacher: How were humans made?

Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.

Teacher: 😑

How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!

How can you tell if your sister is on her period?

Your father's dick tastes funny.

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

Hi guys, I'm back, and YES, two jokes/blogs in one day. I KNOW. I just have nothing to do!!! So today I'm going to tell you how to get what you want from your parents!!! And there will be a joke at the end too. Enjoy!

So the prank that I have for you guys today is, make sure you have glue, dye, and a toothbrush that is not yours >:) So you are going to put the dye in the glue and then put the glue on the toothbrush and give it to your sibling and say, "Here. I got your toothbrush ready for you." Then, make sure they take it. Once they take it, run so that they cannot hit you once they taste it.

Thanks for reading this prank today guys!!! I hope it works out for you, and I can't wait to hear what happens with you guys in the comments below, so make sure to comment and tell me what happened when you pulled this prank!! Sorry, Prankster, if this is offensive to you since you do pranks too. I will not do them anymore if you don't want me to :) Thanks for reading guys, and here is that joke I told you about :)

Yo mama is so fat, when she got in the car, the wheels popped.

So I know this was not the best joke, and I can do better, but I will keep trying and see you guys next time! Bye!!! :)

How do you be friends with a musician?

B minor.

Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?

A: Either way they'll kill your dog.

How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?

They both get paid to eat 200 balls!

You want to know how to spot a foster kid?

Them carrying their whole life in a Hefty trash bag.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

Me: Hi, my name is...

Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?

Me: Hey, stop dude!

Bro: How is it going, bro--

Me: SHUT UP!

Bro: Is that a gun?

Me: *Pointing at bro*

Bro: Dude, I'm...

Me: *BANG* *BANG*

Me: Finally, it's over.

You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.

How do you know if a rapper's broke?

When he starts dropping cents instead of bars.

Bully: How’s your girlfriend?

Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?

Bully: *cries*

Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.