Hows jokes

A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.

How do you rape someone? By forcing them to do it with you! Please comment! Bad or good! :)

How do make an adult cry?

Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.

How do you plan a party in outer space?

You planet.

Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).

The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).

The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)

The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)

The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!

The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)

The teen: QUAL (WHICH).

The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).

The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).

*A phone buzzes.*

The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?

Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?

*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*

The teen: HAIR GEL

How do rappers like their pizza?

With extra bars and dough!

How does a rapper clean his house?

With a LIL' SCRUB.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."

How do Mexicans begin counting?

Juan, Two, Three.

How do people get skinny?

Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)

How to get 60 Translink workers? Please head out of the pool because ya'll are fat. Oh wait, didn't you poop yourself? Say sorry to your underwear while pooping as a fat Canadian Translink worker, little boy.

I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".

So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".

So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"

I know, it's an awful joke.

So, the sea is on a computer but doesn't know how to search, so the computer said to the sea, "Search!"

Do you get it? SEArch.

Do you know how Chinese people roast? They say, "Boy, if you don't get your chi chong head, boy!"

I have a penis.

How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.

500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.

Little Jonny, what you like airplane? How? Because you fly fast and jump high.

How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They tell her to sit in the corner in a circular room.

How can you tell if a gay guy has a high sperm count?

Chew when you swallow!

How Steven Hawking died: because he moved too much during the day and ran out of juice.

Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

Me: How do you know that?