"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
How do computers get drunk
They take a screenshot
How did a blonde commit suicide
She jumped from the basement window
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their teams bench.
After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”
She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”
How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID. Son (in a happy tone): I know. Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad? Son: Well yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
If someone calls you, reply with this “Hi this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled? The wheelchair floats to the top
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer!
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
It's funny how Stephen hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking but he can't do any of those things
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
Q: how do you know when an asian broke into your house?
A: you can ́t find your dog.
