How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
How do kill a redneck?
Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes off his house.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"
I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
How were Stephen Hawking's best mates, Siri and Google?
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
