Hows jokes
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
"m m, ,m ,mbjbjb" is how she spelled.
So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.