How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
How do you saw an apple with no mouth?
A P P L E
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
How do you fit three gay guys on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
How do you name a Chinese person?
You drop a metal spoon on a tile floor.
