Twin: Hey twin, how's it going?
Twin 2: Weird, twin. Bye.
Twin: Not funny, dude.
Hows Jokes
How old is a blue plane?
Blue.
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
How can you tell if a gay guy has a high sperm count?
Chew when you swallow!
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.
Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
You are in the airway, how funny!
How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?
"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
How are you?
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
