How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.
I have depression, but I don't know how to show it in feelings.
How do cows like to play games? Moobile (Mobile).
Do you know how many women have been pope?
Nun.
Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.
Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school? — Don't ask me. How should I know, I'm just the drone pilot.
How do homeless people punish their children?
What are their children going to do? Go to their room?
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
How sad and pathetic is it that all you wait for after you finish a suicidal joke is for people to like your joke, but you know you'll just be a failure at that as well?
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
How did the retard get hurt raking the leaves?
Fell out of the tree.
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.
How do emos compliment each other?
They say, "I like your cuts g."
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?
They slash them.
Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?
Because they hate how he cares about family.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
A man and a boy went into a forest. The boy said he was scared. The man said, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."
Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.
Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.
