Howe jokes
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
Memes
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said, "No, you won’t return it."
I have depression, but I don't know how to show it in feelings.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell it to clap until his/her parents are back.
A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
How to commit arson:
1. Burn down an orphanage.
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."
Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?
Because they hate how he cares about family.
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
Q: How many emo kids will it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"