Howe jokes
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
Memes
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue. 😁
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.