Howe jokes
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
How to escape your black school teacher in detention?
(Easy)
Turn off the lights!
Memes
FOR REAL
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.