Howe jokes
How do you stop a baby from crying?
You drown it.
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
How does a skeleton call his friends?
On the tele-bone!
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket!
Memes
Shitpost-master general
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.
How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
Either way, they’ll kill your dog.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!