Howe jokes
How do chemists laugh?
HeHe.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
Memes
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
How do you make the grass cut itself?
Make it depressed.
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
How do you stop a baby from crying?
You drown it.
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
How does a skeleton call his friends?
On the tele-bone!
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket!
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"