Howe jokes

My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”

Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”

Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?

How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.

Hi, how are you?

Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

How do you say "fish" without the "i"?

Fsh

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never learned how to home cook.

I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.

I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆

How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?

She was ape-ril!

How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.

How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?

My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.

How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?

They slash them.

A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."

The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)

A man and a child walk into a forest.

The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."

The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."

If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?