Howe jokes
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?
A: His lips move.
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Memes
joanna be like
Ask the emo kid: "Hey, how's it hanging?"
No matter how much I cry, the white people still left me hanging.
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
Kid 123, how's downline Orphan what? Home! 😂😂😂😂😂 Sorry.
How do you surprise a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
How do you end an argument with an emo? Kick the chair.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck a plunger down the toilet.
How did the blind boy's parents punish him?
Rearrange the furniture.
How do you make an emo mad at you?
Cut the rope.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
How do you call a very good lemonade?
Fantatastic!
How did the orphan become famous?
By "go[ing] big or go[ing] home."