Howe jokes
I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.
I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?
She was ape-ril!
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?
Memes
Pov:You start writing son lyrics because you can't stand up for yourself knowing you've lost
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?
They slash them.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
How do you talk to giants? Using big words.
Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?
JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10