Howe jokes

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

How did the other 18 COVIDs go unnoticed?

Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.

Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.

How do you confuse a fish?

Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!

My friend: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making holy water.

My friend: How?

Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress up as the altar boy.

How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!

How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end.

Bro never learned how to play Jenga. 🙄

How do you know if an Asian is an orphan?

If their grade was only an A.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck her hahaha 🤣

A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"

"Six pounds."

"And shaving?"

"Three pounds."

"Good, then shave my head."

A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”

How do trees access the internet? They log in.

Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.