Howe jokes
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress up as the altar boy.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Memes
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
How do you make the worldâs greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, âHello from the other side!â
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.
How does an octopus laugh? Buble buble.
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
I was the manager at a McDonaldâs in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me thatâs all he knows how to do.
How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after youâve raped her.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them. đđ