How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
Howe Jokes
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.
How do Asians name their babies?
They throw pots and pans around.
"Ching, Chang, Clang!"
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
How to cure boredom:
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
How did the Chinese chicken cross the road?
He wok-ed.
How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.
