Howe jokes
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.
How do Asians name their babies?
They throw pots and pans around.
"Ching, Chang, Clang!"
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
Memes
Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
How to cure boredom:
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
How did the Chinese chicken cross the road?
He wok-ed.
How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"