How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
Howe Jokes
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
How does a train dance?
It bogies!
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?
Special forces.
How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?
Turn it upside down.
How come orphans know how to do laundry?
Cause that's usually the mom's job.
How often do emos go swimming in a lifetime?
Just once.
How do you call a mirror and an orphan?
Family reunion.
How did the chicken 🐔 feel after escaping the fry cook?
Clucky!
Hi how are you?
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
How do you ride two bikes at once?
You ride them in tandem!
