How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
Howe Jokes
How do spiders reach the internet?
Through the World Wide Web!
People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"With your eyes, Joe."
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
How do you think the unthinkable? An iceberg.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
