Howe jokes

What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck its dick.

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they can't change anything.

How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

How is sex like air?

It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

Hey, how ya doin'?

Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.

Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.

Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.

How did the orphan go to school?

Not by his parents.

You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...