Howe jokes
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
How do you make an orphan's hand bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
Memes
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.