Howe jokes
How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.
I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
Memes
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
How did the orphan go to school?
Not by his parents.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
How did Helen Keller burn her cheek? She answered the iron.
How did she burn the other cheek? They called back.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
How do bees get to school? On a school buzz.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD