Howe jokes
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
How do you make an orphan's hand bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
Memes
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
How did Helen Keller burn her cheek? She answered the iron.
How did she burn the other cheek? They called back.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!