Howe jokes
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?
Memes
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
How do you know when it's bedtime in the Netherlands?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
Q: How did the skeleton know it would rain? A: He read the weather forecast.
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.