Howe jokes
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
How do you call a sad coffee? A depresso!
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
Memes
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
How do you know when it's bedtime in the Netherlands?
When the big hand touches the little hand.