how to make holy water 1-grab a pot 2-put water in it 3-set the stove to 420 degrees 4-boil the hell out of it
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
how to goldfish know when to eat? they don't they have a memory span of 3 seconds
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
My friend said to me how to spell Tom and I said t o m m and he said that not how you spell it’sTom and he sese you have to take out 1m and he so I said but witch one
How do you die from alzheimers? You forget how to breath.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me
why do orphans have phones? because they don't know how to call home
Ooh I wonder whats on this browser *clicks* (how to tell your kid there adopted)
- What did the skeleton say to his friend? - Actually... TIBIA honest i don't know how to complete this joke...
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first doctor”.
The doctor replies, “We’ll, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair”.
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news”. The doctor replies, “He’s dead”.
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it Pull it Twist it Harder Better Faster Stronger You put your left hand in You put your left hand out You put your left hand in and shake it all about
None of you ever touch my penis
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian says f*** no you won’t return it
My Infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
how to stop bulling
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
A man found out that he was going to die. A German doctor comes in and says “you have 10 more”. The man yells out “10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!”. And the doctor says ”No seconds” and the man says “9 SECONDS!!!” And the doctor says “Nine Ten Seconds” He asked “How many seconds do i have to live 10,9 , or..........” Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
