House jokes
Buy KFC = 1 dead orphan in your house.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.
+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
1 like = 1 more child in my basement.
Last week I went on a whale watch.
After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.
What does an orphan say a lot? "Where is my house?"
"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.
"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.
"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"
"You getting kicked out, bro?"
"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."
"Is she one of them woke bitches?"
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?
The Chinese kid has a home.
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.
What do you call a door that bells? A doorbell.
Just told Putin to get some b*tches.
Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.