Horror jokes

See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.

One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.

Q: What do you call a zombie with no mouth?

A: Useless.

Foxy is red,

Bonnie is blue,

And Golden Freddy will kill you.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

How fast does 173 move?

Breakneck speeds!

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

When I saw your hairline, I thought I saw kid Jason Voorhees.

What spooky creature has children?

Mummies.

What do you call a lesbian vampire?

Cunt Dracula.

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?

Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...

I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!

Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?

A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.

I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.

What's small, brown and crispy?

A baby in an oven.

Yo mama so fat that Hannibal Lecter couldn't eat her up.

1, 2, Freddy's coming for you.

3, 4, better lock your door.

5, 6, grab a crucifix.

7, 8, stay up late.

9, 10, never sleep again.

I love this song, y'all! Like if you love it too! :)

Why could the zombie not clap? Because it was dead, duh!

I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.