Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.
If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.
No, seriously,
I'm right behind ya.
Yo mama so fat, she's the reason why Slenderman has no eyes.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A tromboner.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
There's a new horror movie about Stephen Hawking.
It's called "Unplugged!"
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
whats worse than a truck full of dead babies? one alive at the bottom
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
