Hope jokes

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

Lynx Africa is based on a nice smell. Do you think Lynx England would smell like Stella and disappointment?

Do depressed people hate swimming?

They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.

Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol

Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!

Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD

I raped a girl and I liked it.

I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.

"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂

Why do orphans go to church?

They go there to finally call someone "father."

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

Orphans have no home.

I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

Quote Of The Day: Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.

Love you guys, and hope today was amazing!

Peace out! <3

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!

Hope everyone is having a good day! ❤️

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.