Home Jokes

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?

Nothing... she couldn't tell.

one day a man was walking in a ally when a crack head atakes him so then man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home when he gose to his wife she asks him if he saw her dad.

Dora- where do we go next Kids at home- Area 51 Meanwhile Dora- let’s go deliver the evidence to President Biden 1 day later Dora - WE DID IT HORAY

Why cant orphans play soft ball????? Because thye dont know where home bass is

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."

"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with her?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with him?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"

jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool then jack came in and asked jill if she wanted to ride in his new car she said i have to think then jack said at least let me by you a drink after 5 drinks he asked again this time she said yes so they got in the car and jack and jill roed up a hill to to jacks home then jack said (close your eiys i got a supries )so jack lead jill to his room then said open your ies so jill opend her iese then jack got them some red wine jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and jack said i know you wana she said no way so jack gave her one more drink then she passed out then jack ripped all his close off then he did the same to jill then he did it till 3am

Enough of the jokes. It's time Togo back home. (hah I wanna cry)

A boy asked his dad for a some money to buy an ice-cream with. So he went to an icecream van. Whilst he was in the queue 2 boys asked him what flavour he was getting he told them strawberry. The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The icecream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice-cream for free. When he got home his dad also asked what flavour he bought the boy said strawberry. His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy confused walked down the street and was stopped buy the police who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice-cream. The boy said thats me and the policeman arrested him. A week later in court the boy was on trial. The judge asked, ''can you tell me what were you doing on the fith of may''(the day he was arrested) the boy said I was eatimg ice-cream. Yhe judge decided he was innocent. On the way out the judge asked him what the flavour was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course he answered with strawberry the judge horrified realised he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately he couldn't change what had happened so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died. The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road

Hi how are you busy doing right I just text me and my dad was going out and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home and I will get back with him tomorrow morning

Hi 🙋‍♀️ I’m going back home ii

I did a walk through and walk home from school and I got home 🏡

I did a walk walk and I had to a car and a walk home from home I did

my wife and i went to the bar to get a drink but 2 mins later i see her dead on the ground i guess she couldent see the bottle flying at her face then i laughed and went home.

so a guy and his brother was walking in the woods so his brother said "its getting dark out here can we go home" the man said "i know think how i will feel walking home tonight"

Would I be considered as a homo because I have sex at home