Home jokes

The coach yelled at me when I stole home. I ran home with the base and asked him where to put it.

The adoption center threw a party. Why? 'Cause the parents weren't home.

"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

The bears came home. Daddy bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?" said, "Who's been in my porch?" Baby bear said, "Never mind about the porridge, who knocked the telly?"

I left my Avatar at home today.

Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?

How can you make a orphans hand bleed?

Real them to clap until there parent come home.

If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?

Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.

Why can't orphans go to homecoming? Because they don't have a home to go to.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

What shows do orphans dream of?

Full House or Fuller House.

Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?

I made this up.

I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.

Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."