Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday
A Cake By The Ocean
You know the song I saw mommy and Santa kissing apparently santas the mailman
"you gotta bleed before you teeth" - Santa Claus
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing becuase they cant open the gift
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Lego figures from his friend but they ran way too.
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say "thats thanksgiving man!"
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common - They both like fairies sitting on them.
During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said "Berry Christmas!"
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the Chicken's day off!
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas. -herpes
What do you call an elf that sings: A Wrapper
What is a pedophiles favorite job?
The mall santa.
what’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer,and a poor kids parents getting ran over by military tractors?When grandma got ran over by a reindeer,the kids actually gave a shit.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa? Klaustrophobic
You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
So Santa fell down the chimney but it was a lit chimney...his names no longer Santa. It's crisp cringle. Pls send help :).
To start im a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off" I said. He said "then you try it". He gave me the Santa suit and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
