Him jokes
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
my therapist told me that time heals wounds i stabbed him now we wait
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents
Hi, I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hairdryer.
An emo tried to give me a high five...
I left him hanging.
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."
One depressed kid goes to high-five a tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.