Him jokes

"Hey, kid, why are you so fat?"

"Why did you insult him? That's not nice."

"It won't matter, he's deaf."

A zebra couldn't find any grass. Then he saw a monkey cooking. He thought to steal a little, but he was burned in the fore, and the smoke was all over him. But when he went to the ocean, it was still there, and zebras are stuck in this style forever.

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"

Awww, Gwen thinks she has a boyfriend! Oh wait, no you don't! She is just some loser ass bitch who could be a ho, you don't know. He was mine, and I want him back!

"When God sends me to hell... I want him to hesitate." -Techno

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

How do you get "Dick" from Richard?

Ask him nicely.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Why did the pig decline to go to the farmer's house?

He would take him to a "pignic."

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels! We'll see him soon.

There is a ghost baseball game and one team loses because of one player so they start booing him!

I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."

I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."

He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."

I had a friend named Wemiyoe... We call him "we me you."

Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?

Because when it beeps, it's him!

A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.

My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.

Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"