Him jokes

Did you hear that Ted Nugent had a beer thrown at him at one of his shows?

Answer: He was okay. It was a draft, so he dodged it easily!

Don’t blame Bush; he is white. It couldn’t have been him.

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.

How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?

Tell him you don’t believe in dog.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

"Lock him up, you know, Trump!"

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food? His left shoulder.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite robot? Him as his shoulder/wheelchair.

Your dad left you because he went for milk.

*1,000,000 years later*

Her: Dad come back!

Him: FBI open up!

Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?

It gives him gas.

My emo friend tried to hi-five a tree. It left him hanging.

Who left him hanging?

Why'd my grandpa fall over?

'Cause I clapped his cheeks, fool!

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

Why are orphans always on the toilet?

Because they don't have anyone to give them some toilet paper!

There has to be someone that hates watersharky. He curses at you if you say one thing about his friends or him. He just is mean and needs to leave.