Him jokes

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

How do you make an orphan clap until his hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.

They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...

I was bullying Stephen Hawking. I told him, "Why not stand up for yourself?"

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

The school shooter points the gun at the emo kid. While the shooter tries to shoot him, the emo kid dodges the bullets like in the Matrix and takes the gun away from the shooter and shoots himself.

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because he had no body to go with.

Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!

I was at the orphan place, and I saw a kid crying. And I asked him where his parents are, and he fainted.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

How did the flapjack feel when syrup was drizzled on him?

Butter.

I brought a cow and named him Mayo.

Mayo Neighs!

A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.

He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.