Him Jokes

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.

Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”

Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”

Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”

“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

What happened when the Japanese guy offered Logan Paul a high five?

He left him hanging.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.

He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.

A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.

The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”

“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”

“Ten,” says the doctor.

“What, years? Months?!”

“Nine...”

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

Imagine this whole “Dr. Strange jokes” is just full of people simping over him.

Couldn’t Be Me.

I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.

Except it had no home button.

I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

I pushed the disabled kid into a fire, then called him "Hot Wheels."

Why didn't the orphan play video games with his friends?

Because his parents wouldn't let him.

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.